Daddy Issues

Your visions will become clear only when you can look into your own heart.
Who looks outside, dreams; who looks inside, awakes.
– Carl Jung

The first man in every woman’s life is her father.  The father has a critical role setting the tone of how a girl appraises her value and how she expects to be treated by men.  If a girl grows up with a physically and/or emotional absent father a void is present and the void is often accompanied by an emotionally painful wound and a fear of abandonment. The void created by the absence of the critically important father, is filled on an unconscious level with an image of an ideal man.  A woman is prone to project the image of her ideal man onto men she thinks are potential mates.  This prevents a woman from being able to see reality and accurately appraise a potential mate as suitable or not.

Here is how it plays out:  A woman with Daddy issues meets a man and her projection of an ideal man is triggered.  She sees her new man from the lens of illusion, gives him status he has not earned, and immediately wants to bond with him.  He may be unsuitable in many ways, but she can’t see this.  The healthy process of appraising and qualifying the man as a suitable partner is absent.  In a sense her inner child is choosing the man and wants the Daddy she never had.  Thus far this is not a conscious process.  The woman is not thinking consciously that she wants Daddy.  As often happens in this scenario, the man, who might have appeared charming and present for a relationship initially, becomes distant and withholding of love, thus triggering the woman’s painful wound and abandonment issues.

Crying woman

This scenario can play out over and over again with different potential mates, concluding with a deep heartbroken feeling and a feeling of abandonment.  In a reading the pain of the deep wound is usually obvious.  This scenario repeats itself because the woman enters each relationship with a void she expects the man to fill and a wound she turns to the man to heal.  However, the man ends up doing the opposite.  He withdraws and triggers the pain of the deep wound as he departs.

In order to heal this wound and transcend the pattern of wanting love and having it withheld, consciousness is required.  One must become aware of their relationship patterns and shift the focus from the man and the relationship to oneself.   Carl Jung called a woman’s inner (unconscious) male aspect, the Animus.  Part of the process of evolution out of lower states of being is to become that which the woman wants the man to be for her.  In other words, a woman must parent herself and be the caring and self esteem promoting father she never had.  If you think you have Daddy Issues I recommend reading the edited works of Carl Jung about the Animus.  Keeping record of your dreams and analyzing them can be invaluable.  In my experience when unconscious content is accepted and brought into the light of consciousness, transformation, both within a person and in their outside environment, can be instant!  If you require assistance analyzing your dreams, as the unconscious speaks a language all its own, please contact me and book a session.

Below I have listed steps to help you on your journey to a healthy, loving, and mutually supportive relationship with yourself first, then with a partner.

1. STOP the search for love.    The pattern of seeking a man to fill the void and heal the wound must be stopped.  I have experienced clients, who in order to lessen the pain and abandonment they feel when a relationship ends, want the next man to come into their life right away.  Though the man may be different the pattern of wanting love and having it withheld is the same and plays out again and again.  Entering a relationship with a void brings predictable results.  At this important first step the focus must shift from men and relationships to oneself.

You may be currently experiencing the pain of your wound.  You may think you are mourning the loss of a certain man, but allow yourself to go deeper.  Recognize that the pain is familiar to you and is not isolated to the current man you are mourning.  Most likely the pain you feel is your inner child wanting Daddy, wanting the love she didn’t have.  Now is the time to become responsible for your inner child.  Be there for her.  It is you and not a man that can help her.  Step in and step up for that part of yourself, your inner child.  Talk to your inner child and form a bond with her.  When your inner child is triggered and you feel the pain of the wound sit with love and compassion for that part of yourself.  She can be healed and only you can do it.

This is the time to grow into thoroughly enjoying your own company.  Do things that interest you, expand yourself by learning something you have always wanted to learn.  Start a journal of your thoughts and feelings.  It is time to cultivate the most important relationship in your life; the relationship you have with yourself.  I recommend getting a guided meditation CD and meditating at least 10 minutes a day.  Meditation is a great way to connect with yourself and balance your energies.

This first stage can also be called the Goddess stage because you are connecting to your feminine power.  You will discover who you are outside of the attention of men and relationship dramas.  When you connect to your inner Goddess you will feel empowered, time will become your friend and you will have a knowing that the right man will come to you when you are ready.

2. Harvest Your Fruit:  All of your past relationships have left you with immense blessings that you can now claim.  Each relationship revealed what you need to heal and take responsibility for.  Initially you might of thought your pain was about a specific man or relationship failure, but really the pain/wound was already there and it got triggered.  At this stage you will be able to see why your past relationships did not work out and even be thankful that they didn’t because you will be able to see the men from a clearer vantage point.  What red flags did you miss or ignore?  Did you try to bond with a man before you had discovered who he is, if he was stable, and if he was a suitable match for you?  You probably have a great deal of data from your relationship experiences that can now serve you in infinite ways.  In this stage you can awaken to what your true motivations were in selecting your past partners and holding onto a relationship that was not quite right.

3. Clarify What You Want:  Make a list of the qualities that you value in a person.  For example, honesty, humor and genuineness are desirable qualities in a man.  You can further harvest fruit from your past relationships by identifying the qualities in your exes that you did not like and that were detrimental to a healthy relationship.  Qualities like, dishonest, fickle, and irresponsible.  Whatever qualities you list that you value the most, give time to assess whether you also possess those qualities.  Once you are clear about what qualities you value then you can make a commitment to yourself.  For example, if you value honesty and stability then when you meet a man allow time to discover whether he possesses those qualities before you bond with him.  If he is wonderful is so many ways, but lacks honesty and stability, which you have deemed important, then you must move on.

Stage 3 is usually what a father does for a daughter.  He wants to know who she is dating and if they measure up.  By becoming clear of your values and then committing to them, you are being your own parent, establishing your worth and honoring yourself.

Happy woman

 If you are currently mourning the loss of a man and there is a voice in your head telling you if only he would come back, if only he would change, if only he would commit, if only he would love me or be how he was in the beginning, then recognize that is the illusion talking.  It is not the man who holds the keys to your happiness, it is you!

I am here to help you on your journey if you feel you need outside assessment and guidance.  Sometimes having someone shine a light on the path makes it much easier to walk.  Feel free to visit Your Love Psychic and book a session.

Love and Smiles,

Valerie
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Three Keys To Meeting Your Perfect Match

And one day he appeared, the perfect one for me.
I then realized that I was correct in saying goodbye
to the men who were not quite right for me that had come before him
.

cupid

Dear Ones, for many years I have been a Love Psychic and I have done 1000’s of relationship readings.  The underlining desire present in my clients is to have a fulfilling, mutually supportive and loving relationship.  When that desire goes unfulfilled it can be quite painful and confusing.  You may be with a partner that you love, but in the ways that matter you do not feel that they are co-creating a relationship with you, thus you find yourself coping with discouragement.  I want you to take heart!  For those who are ready, really ready, to call in your perfect partner I will share with you The 3 Keys to the kingdom of love.

Key #1:  Clarity

What is it that you want?  The clearer you are about this the better!  As an energy reader I can see when a person is not clear.  Their energy may appear scattered going in many different directions or it may appear like a seesaw going back and forth.  Remember, a wheel can’t turn in two directions at the same time and if your focus/energy goes in one direction and then the opposite direction then you will stand still or go in circles.

An example of lack of clarity in love is:  You want a fulfilling and mutually loving relationship, but you are with someone who does not consistently communicate with you or spend time with you.  Your love interest/partner is emotionally and/or physically not available, but you hold out because you love them and hope things will change.  This creates a stale mate in your energy because you are not making choices in the direction of what you want, instead you are choosing what you don’t want; The unfulfilling relationship.

An example of clarity in love is:  You are committed to your desire for a fulfilling and mutually loving relationship.  Your clarity enables you to make an accurate assessment whether that is on offer and possible with a particular person.  If it is not on offer you do not invest emotionally and you choose to move on.

Key #2: Decisions

Decisions put energy in motion and send it powerfully in the direction of the choice you have made.  As an energy reader I can see if a person is sitting with a decision or if they have made a decision because in the later the energy is moving.  For example, if a client asks me when they will get communication from their love interest I can see the communication and provide an accurate time frame if the love interest has made the decision to communicate.  In the reading I can see the energy flowing from the love interest to the client in the form of communication.  Conversely, if the love interest wants to contact, but is apprehensive about it that will also show in the energy.  An accurate time frame for communication may not be possible because the person is not clear in their decision and the energy is not moving.

If you are clear on what you want and you make decisions that are in agreement with your desire, then you are in perfect placement for what you want to come, unhindered, into your life.  Here is something very important that you may not know:  Deciding to move on from an unfulfilling relationship actually puts you on the path to meeting the one who is right for you.  On the path to the one there are some frogs. Some are even charming and cute.  You can say hello to the frogs and even go out on a few dates with them, just avoid trying to turn them into your prince.

frogs

 Key #3: Surrender Timing

Time can really do a number on people.  Our mind plays tricks on us concerning timing.  You may be tempted to think because something has not happened yet, then it is unlikely to happen.  You may be tempted to think you are waiting for the one for you.  My advise is to throw away clocks and calendars when it comes to love.  The one for you is not on a linear timeline, they are on your path provided you have used the other two keys.  Challenge the untrue negative thoughts that cause you to doubt your love is coming.  Surrender any disbelief you may have.

Surrender watching and waiting for something to happen and by doing so you will be in the flow.  There are things you can do that further magnetize your desire.  One client of mine made a vision board of her ideal relationship.  She wanted to be married, have a lovely home with her husband and a sense that they really belonged together and grew more in love as their relationship evolved.  She included all these things on her vision board and she hung it up in a prominent place in her home.  She also, and very importantly, practiced The 3 Keys.  She totally let go of time and any sense of waiting.  She once told me if she dies with the dream of her perfect match still in her then so be it.  She was not going to settle.  Now that is a decision!  Guess what?  In less than a year of practicing The 3 Keys she met her match and they are now married.

Vision Board
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The starting point for calling in the one for you is where you are right now.  If you are unsure where you are and what to do, then book a session with me.  I am always available to provide you with the current lay of the land and shine the light ahead.  The path is always easier to see when it is graced with light.

lit path

 Smiles and <3
Your Love Psychic, Valerie
scan0007

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Focus Pocus

“I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘move from here to there’ and it will move.  Nothing will be impossible to you!
~Jesus

Dear Ones, nothing will be impossible to you!  Do you believe it?  I believe and I am here to make the case that we have more potential and more power than we realize.  It is my intention to inspire you and to point out that you possess a magic wand, of sorts.  So when you encounter a mountain of obstacles that stand between you and your goals or a mountain of doubts that tell you that you can’t have the life you really want to be living, you  can move that mountain.  Such a claim may sound like a bunch of hocus pocus, but it is not and you will see.  It is focus pocus!

Our focus, intentions, and expectations have a powerful organizing ability like a magic wand, or for the men, if you prefer, a wizard’s staff.

You see the gap between spirituality and science is getting smaller.  On one side of the gap we have those who primarily operate within a faith based belief system.  They transcend the horizontal plane, where the mountains are, and they open up the vertical channels through prayer, meditation and visualization.  Their faith tells them, “I will see it when I believe it.”  On the opposite side of the gap is the logical minded, scientific method oriented, scientist type who says, “I will believe it when I see it and even then I want it quantified, verified and replicated.  Those people over there, praying and meditating, well they are just engaged in magical thinking.”

I a very happy to report that findings in quantum physics are coming in to fill the gap!  Now, I might of just mentioned something frightening, “quantum physics”, but I promise y0u I do not have the intellectual capacity to talk over your heads about this.  Simply, quantum physics is the study of small things, very small things.  If you take anything in the material world and break it down to its most basic form that is what quantum physicists study, subatomic particles.

Tracks showing the movement of the subatomic particle, neutrino.

Quantum physicists have discovered that the laws that govern the material world and the laws that govern the quantum world are very different!  For example, in the material world outcomes can be determined and measured.  Locations can be pinpointed.  In the material world an experiment is considered valid only if it can be replicated by anyone and the same results are achieved.

Conversely, in the quantum world none of this is true.  In the quantum world there is a lack of certainty because everything exists in a state of potential.  Locations can’t be pinpointed because an electron might be here or there or two places at the same time.  In the quantum world experiments can’t be replicated and the same results achieved because, and this is mind boggling, the outcome of the experiment depends on what the experimenter expects to see.

An extraordinary premise in quantum theory, that fascinates philosophers and physicists, states that by the very act of observing, the observer affects the observed reality.  At the Weizmann Institute of Science in Israel scientist conducted a highly controlled experiment demonstrating how a beam of electrons was affected by being observed.  What they discovered is, the greater the amount of watching, the greater the observer’s influence on what actually took place.  Observation affects reality!

In the quantum world things exist in a state of potential, just like your desires.  In the quantum world things may be a wave and then someone focuses on it, interacts with it and then it gets pinned down into the form of a particle.  Such findings have lead some quantum physicists to feel that in the beginning there was consciousness and consciousness interacted with the pure potential of subatomic particles and pinned them down into form.  Doesn’t that sound a lot like, “In the beginning was the word and the word was made flesh”?  Focus, whether focus of word or observation brings form to potential.  You see the gap between spirituality and science is getting smaller!

Now, how do we apply this knowledge and use our magic wand when we encounter a mountain in our lives?  I will share with you a personal example.  Some years ago I moved to London and I did not move in a traditional sense.  I did not have a plan or a big bank account.  I went on a tourist visa that was good for six months, but I wanted to stay much longer than that.  So, as the mountain of my expiring tourist visa was approaching I discovered that once in the country a tourist visa can only be changed to a student visa.  I did some research and found a course of study in art and interior design that I was very passionate about.

I applied, interviewed and got accepted!  Then another mountain appeared, the tuition!  The tuition was £11,000 and it had to paid in full and upfront.  £11,000 converted roughly to about $18,000.  I did not have the money nor was I going to ask anyone for the money.  I did not feel working on the horizontal plane with the material world was going to benefit me, so I went vertical.

I shifted into high gear, selected the best tools I had to accomplish my desire and developed a regimen that I did throughout the day, every day for about five weeks.  One tool I used is affirmations.  I created a mantra, which is a short paragraph containing simple and powerful statements that clearly support your intention.  I recited my mantra silently and verbally throughout the day.  At first I began my mantra with the statement, “I am prospering!” but I did not feel the truth of that as I knew the balance in my bank account did not agree.  Because I had resistance to “I am prospering!” I changed it to “I believe I am prospering!  I believe prosperity is my birth right.”  That felt much better and after a few days of saying I believed it the resistance evaporated and I was able to switch back to, “I am prospering! Prosperity is my birth right.”

Another statement that was a part of my mantra was, “My tuition is paid for in full!  I have my student visa!”.  Notice I did not focus on the money.  I instead focused on the outcome.  Trying to manifest $18,000 in less than two months is possible, but we have so much resistance around money it is best to bypass it altogether if at all possible.  Focus only on the outcome, not how much the outcome will cost.

The Place Mat Process by Abraham Hicks proved most beneficial.  I took a book of blank pages I had and on the left side of the page I wrote what I would do and on the right side of the page I wrote what the Universe would do.  My list included:  Finding a course of study that I was passionate about;  Apply for acceptance to course of study;   Obtain all necessary paperwork to apply for a student visa.  The Universe’s list included:  Provide the ways and means to pay for my student visa;  Provide the ways and means to pay for my tuition.

Finally, my favorite tools were employed, meditation and prayer.  I used earphones, listened to meditation music and focused.  I have been using the same self guided meditation for years because it is extremely effective.  I am currently working on recording it and making a MP3 download for my clients.  When praying it is important to pray using affirmative statements.  Give thanks as if what you want has been granted.  Feel grateful as if what you want is happening.  Have faith, believe even though it has yet to manifest into form.  Remember you are working with the world of potential, focusing your energy of thought and feeling, which will bring your desire into form.

So how do you think it worked out for me?  Did I have to return to the states because my tourist visa expired?  No!  Of all people to meet in London I met a mover shaker, wheeler dealer type person who loved being the benefactor of other people’s dreams.  This person knew what I was aiming to achieve and one day he said, “I’ll pay for your tuition.”  I never asked for the money.  The money never touched my hands and he paid my tuition in full, just as I had stated in my mantra.  In exchange I did design work for him.  It was a win/win!

Dear One, think of a dream you have.  Your dream, like the quantum world, exists in a state of pure potential.  Apply the organizing tools of focus, intention and expectations and if you have the faith as small as a mustard seed, nothing will be impossible to you!

If you feel stuck or don’t know how to get started bringing life to your desires I am happy to help.  In a session I can scan your energy and show you where your resistance is or where you may be encountering blocks.  Often a new perspective can cause the most amazing shifts.  Your desires can be fulfilled!

Smiles and love,

Valerie – Your Love Psychic


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Stayin’ Alive

No matter who you cast your eyes upon, you will see an amazing, fully loaded with supreme intelligence, human being!

Dear readers, the intelligence I am referring to is our body’s intelligence, specifically our survival instinct.  Our bodies will always tell us what to do, using simple commands to keep us alive.  Yet, there are times, due to our propensity to seek answers externally, that we won’t listen.

Survival situations come without warning.  You will not find them predicted in your daily horoscope.  The day will begin like any other day.  You may be on your way to work, like the thousands of people who went to work at the Wold Trade Center on September 11, 2001.  You may be on a Mediterranean cruise and within two hours after leaving port find yourself in a survival situation like the 4200 passengers aboard the Costa Concordia cruise ship January 13, 2012.  I too was going about my life.  I had just moved into an apartment in Paris and subsequently found myself in a survival situation.

August 1, 2003 was my moving day!  I was moving from temporary tourist accommodations to a proper Paris apartment.  My friend, Kate, came over to help me.  I met her outside and she was beaming as she said, “Isn’t it a gorgeous day?”  I saw that the sky was a brilliant blue and there was not a cloud present, but I said, “No! It is too hot!”  What I did not know, what no one knew was that was day one of what was to be a fifteen day heatwave.

I can imagine what my friends in Texas are thinking, “Well, we have a heatwave here every year and we call it summer!”  Here is the difference:  A hot, dry air mass from the African Sahara anchored on top of Western Europe.  I believe the epicenter was Paris.  As if that was not bad enough, it was like an oppressive hand came over us and held all the dry, hot air in place and refused to let any cool, moist air from the Atlantic in.  In Texas we have air conditioning.  In Paris, not even the hospitals had air conditioning.  In Texas we have front yards, back yards, trees and open spaces and that helps dissipate heat.  In Paris there is asphalt, concrete and stone that absorbs the heat and radiates it out during the night and produces what scientist call a heat island.

There, in my Paris apartment, that got full direct facing sun all day, my body gave it’s first simple command, “Get naked!”  I had already seen the French man who lived across from me standing in front of his window naked and I thought, “Eek! Pervert!”  I was not about to expose myself so instead I turned on the TV to see what CNN and BBC were saying about the heat.

I have since come to realize that the news is not there to help people try and survive a survival situation.  The news is there for those who are watching people trying to survive a survival situation.  The CNN and BBC had nothing of use to say about the heat.  The heat was treated as a human interest story accompanied by images of tourists playing in the fountain at Trafalgar Square.

In a survival situation you will be given false, inadequate, or no information!  Rick Rescorla knew this.  He was the security director of Morgan Stanley that occupied twenty stories in the World Trade Center South Tower.  In the years preceding 9/11 Mr. Rescorla trained and drilled the Morgan Stanley employees on how to evacuate.  One of the directives he gave them was in case of a real emergency, do not listen to the Port Authority, do not listen to the voice coming out of the loud speaker, just get out!  Mr. Rescorla saved their lives because what was coming through the loud speaker that day were messages saying the building was secure and people should go back to their offices.

The cruise ship Costa Concordia traveled too close to land, hit rocks and the ship began to capsize.  Captain Schittino and his crew told the passengers and the Italian Coast Guard that there was not a problem on board the ship, only a minor electrical issue.  Over the loud speaker the passengers were instructed to go to their cabins.  But many of the passengers listened to their bodies, got on their life vests and headed to the life boats.  In a survival situation delay can mean death!

Captain Schittino waited 68 minutes, once the ship began to sink, before he finally gave an abandon ship order.  By then it was too late to get everyone off the ship safely and people died who would of otherwise survived.  On September 11th once the North Tower was struck people in the South Tower had no time to delay!  They only had 16 minutes to make it to the safety zone of the 74th floor or below.  1400 people fled and survived, 600 people did not.

During the Paris heatwave of 2003 it was not until the 8th day that a health warning finally went out and it was only directed to people who were doing activities outside.  There, in my Paris apartment, I noticed my feet were cracking and my hands were pruning.  The death air was stealthily leeching the moisture out of my body, my life force!  It was then that I decided to become a pervert!  I got naked and stayed naked.  I survived the heat wave by jumping in and out of the shower every 15-20 minutes and letting my fan blow me dry.  Four days later on August 12th the mortality rate was 620%.  The death toll would reach 14,800 in France.

The New York Port Authority, CNN, the captain of a ship!  All compelling sources of information that got it wrong.  The body that commanded, “Flee this building”, “Abandon ship!”, “Get naked!” had it right!

My dear reader, I hope you are never in a survival situation, but if you are take heart!  Your body will always tell you what to do, using simple commands, to keep you alive!

Valerie Alexander

Your Love Psychic

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Mind Your Energy Field

Perhaps if you are a monk, living in a pristine environment and surrounded by others who totally support a state of serenity, you might then have full control of your energy.  But most of us live in a fast paced world where we are bombarded with external stimuli that triggers multiple internal processes.  Many people at times find themselves out of balance, shut down, and generally pessimistic.

Providing psychic readings gives me a comprehensive view of how a person, and those they ask about, are managing their energy.  Few people realize the huge benefits of taking care of their energy field and how just minor changes can lead to significant positive outcomes.  It is important to understand that it is not a matter of having full control of your energy at all times.  A realistic goal is to limit the amount of time one spends in a detrimental energy state.

Detrimental Energy States:

  1. Dwelling on a problem or situation for which there is currently no available solution.
  2. Feeling like a victim, feeling hard done by.
  3. Watching and waiting for contact/communication.
  4. Believing that another person needs to do certain things or stop doing certain things for you to be happy.

If you find yourself in such a detrimental state it is good to know that it is an illusion.  Yes, most certainly your ego will tell you that there is a justification for being in any of the above states and on one level that may be true, but staying in that state is costly in terms of your health and your happiness.  Plus, the things you are wanting to change and improve will encounter resistance until you open up your energy again.  The reason I say such states are an illusion is because you are not in the energy of your True Self.  You are not in the energy of  your power and light.  I am sure you agree that it feels horrible to be in a detrimental energy.  So best to get out of it as quickly as possible.

Sometimes when giving a reading I am asked, “When will I be happy again?”  The astonishing answer is, “Right now!”  Remember by the time something plays out in the physical world it is old news.  Everything begins in the energy, the energy of thought and feeling.  Fortunately you have control over your thoughts and feelings.  It is you and only you that makes the choice of what you think and feel.

A critical first step in minding your energy field is to be aware of how you are feeling.  If you are feeling down, depressed, anxious or fearful rather than stay in that state for days on end catch yourself and make a better choice.  You may have little or no control of the external circumstances that you are dwelling on, but you have total control of your inner state.

Everyone needs a good set of tools to shift their energy from a detrimental state to an open and receptive state.  In my experience prayer and meditation work wonders to open up the energy.  When we are focused on a problem and are feeling restricted, if we can shift our focus to the only solution readily available, which is to surrender in prayer, or quiet the mind and surrender in meditation, we will start to open our energy and feel better immediately.  The reason we feel better is we surrender our ego attitude and open the vertical channels of higher energies, energies of healing.

Stephanie gives a glorious testament of how spending just a little time surrendering in prayer or meditation can change everything.  Stephanie had done a great deal of work for a man, but had not been paid fully when the job was completed.  She called the man and he did not pick up.  She left messages and he did not return her calls.  Feeling very distraught and hard done by Stephanie decided to meditate on the situation.  She pictured the man who owed her the money and she flowed love to him from her heart.  She released him and the money he owed her.  In her meditation she set him free.  She confided in me that she really felt the love and release when she thought about him.  The very next day he called her and set up a meeting and paid her in cash.  Because Stephanie shifted the energy within herself about the situation the polarization between her and the man ended and both parties then had a totally different experience.

Another tool to open up the vertical channels and invite in healing energy is the Ho’oponopono practice.  Simply repeat the phrases, “Thank you, I love you, I am sorry” as you focus on the situation or person that needs healing energy.  You can do this practice by sitting quietly and focusing or you can do it silently when your area of concern comes to mind as you go through your day.

Consulting a professional can also be a powerful tool for transformation.  One of the biggest gifts in the work I do is to hear a client say. “I feel so much better after talking to you!”  It is important to note that they do not feel better because I told them a fairytale.  They feel better because in a reading I saw a bigger and more expansive view of the situation and the truth resonated with them.  Letting go of our ego view and seeing things from a broader perspective always opens up the energy and allows good things to flow to us.

There are many tools and I invite you to share yours in the comment section.  Find the ones that work for you and keep adding to your tool kit.  When you find yourself in a detrimental energy state start using your tools!  Your energy will immediately shift and soften.  Lighten up and know that I am here if you need me.

Your Love Psychic

 

 

 

Smiles and love, Valerie

 

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The Genesis Of An Emotional Wound

If only my tears were an elixir,
a healing font for this wound I know so well.

 Many of us have discovered tears will not heal an emotional wound, conversely being taken over by the pain of the wound, it’s thoughts and story, seems to make it even stronger and support it’s longevity.  The type of emotional wound discussed here comes from a deep place and though the people and circumstances that trigger the wound change, the pain of the wound does not.  Maybe  you are one who has realized, by reliving the same pain over and over again, that you have an emotional wound.

At one point in your life, or perhaps a previous life, something happened.  It is not what happened that caused the wound, it is what you told yourself afterwards that caused the wound.  For example, if you came to believe that whatever happened was your fault because you were not good enough, smart enough, lovable or worthy, such beliefs about yourself created a wound.  It is as if we ingest poison when we believe a lie about ourselves and the result is we feel pain and ill at ease when the wound gets triggered.

The wound, with it’s vortex of pain, attracts a fear to it.  The fear marks the spot of the wound.  It could be a fear of abandonment, a fear of loss, or a fear of being close to another person.  The fear can be your ally as it signals false beliefs you are holding about yourself.  Fear is highly magnetic and will attract scenarios that are or appear to be what you fear.  Your wound gets activated and all the pain comes rushing to the surface again.  This process can and does seem to repeat ad infinitum.

So, how can an emotional wound be healed once and for all and the false beliefs thoroughly cleansed from our energy field?  I have asked the Universe for the answer and when it comes I will joyously share it with all.  It is my belief that all wounds are destined to be healed.  In the meantime the wound can be managed and perhaps there are ways to heal it, but it involves a slow process that requires discipline and consciousness.

Consciousness is the key that unlocks many doors to a higher perspective and state of being.  Consciousness means to be aware, awake.  As Eckhart Tolle eloquently explains in his book, The Power of Now, when a pain pattern (Tolle refers to it as a “pain body”) gets triggered we tend to become it.  We go unconscious and take on it’s thoughts and feelings of pain.  By the simple act of shining the light of consciousness on the pattern it quickly dissolves.  So if you are in pain and your wound is triggered just look at it.  Become the bystander, the observer of your pain as opposed to becoming the pain.  This does work to dissolve the pattern in that moment.  But all patterns have a momentum and the more the pattern is indulged in the stronger it is.  Over time if one simply looks at their pain and refrains from being taken over by it the pattern will lose it’s momentum and when it is triggered it can be more easily managed.

It helps to have an ally in the process.  Once one is in the grips of a pain pattern a benevolent hand that pulls you back into truth can be a saving grace.  It is my pleasure to assist my clients to identify their wounds and predict for them when the wound may get triggered if I should see this information in a reading.

If you are feeling pain remember it is only a pain pattern that has been triggered.  It is only a pattern, not your truth.

Smiles and love,

Valerie

 

 

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Total BS

For there is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so. -Shakespeare

Are your thoughts your friends, and an issue of equal importance, are they even true?  Think about this, if you had a friend incessantly babbling to you all day would you hang on every word and not question the truth of one statement?  Yet our thoughts hang on us and how often do we stop and question if they are even true?  If your answer is never you are not alone.  Most of us live unconsciously, only occasionally experiencing lucidity and asking ourselves what is really going on.

There are times when I am looking at a person’s energy in a reading and I see it is scattered.  Scattered energy moves in different and opposing directions.  In my opinion scattered energy is the result of subconscious beliefs and unconscious fears and doubts that we do not address consciously.  It is common to ignore what gets triggered within us and  react to the person doing the triggering.  The path of evolution and happiness is to break the pattern of reacting to people and situations that trigger us and instead become aware of what gets triggered.

The thoughts we are having can serve as a BS Alert.  For example, if a person has an unconscious fear of abandonment and a belief that they are not worthy of love then these things will no doubt come up in a relationship.  When a fear or negative belief gets triggered our awareness is flooded with thoughts that support the fear or negative belief.  Thus it is important to be awake and on BS patrol!

BS cycle in action:

Rosie had been single for some time and she had every hope and expectation that the next man that came into her life would be the one to build a beautiful relationship with her.  One day while out walking her dogs Rosie met Anthony.  Anthony was tall, dark and handsome, plus talked with an accent that Rosie found very appealing.  The first two weeks went great as Anthony was very attentive, gave gifts and was overall quite charming, but then Anthony did a pull back.  In some ways Anthony was not behaving as Rosie wanted him to behave and because he was not doing what she felt he should be doing her negative beliefs about herself got triggered.

Rather than look at what got triggered Rosie turned against Anthony and her inner dialogue was all about Anthony being public enemy number one.  Rosie’s thoughts were telling her that Anthony did not care about her.  Her thoughts tortured her, yet she blamed Anthony for her pain.  She then impulsively told him she did not want to see him anymore.  At the time ending the relationship was the only solution Rosie had to end her pain, after all her pain was caused by Anthony right?  Wrong.

BS Prevention (or if BS has already flowed) BS Clean UP:

The prospect of cleaning up BS or trying to stop the flow in the first place may seem daunting, but take heart it is really simple and painless.  There are many great teachers that have sounded the alarm concerning the disastrous consequences of taking our thoughts seriously.  One of my favorite techniques is simple and delivers immediate results.  The technique is by Byron Katie and she calls the process that takes a person from pain to freedom, The Work.  The Work begins by asking four simple questions concerning a painful thought.

1. Is it true?

2.  Can you absolutely know for certain that it is true?

3.  How do you react, what happens when you believe that thought?

4.  Who would you be without the thought?

Applying these questions to Rosie’s situation she first broke down her chief complaint to one predominant thought, “Anthony does not care about me.”  Is it true?  Rosie admitted she really did not know how Anthony felt nor could she be absolutely certain he did not care.  In fact there were numerous occasions that he showed her he was thinking about her and missed her when they were apart.  When Rosie believed her thoughts that Anthony did not care it made her pull away, become hurt and act cold towards him.  The thoughts caused her to react and act as if she did not care about him.  I could see the light bulb go on for Rosie when she shared that she would feel happy and free if she did not have thoughts that Anthony did not care about her.

Viola!  The spell was broken, the BS cleaned up!  Next comes what Byron Katie calls the turnaround.  The turnaround provides an opportunity to experience the opposite of what you were previously believing.

For example, Rosie’s original thought, “Anthony does not care about me.” can be turned around to, “Anthony does care about me.”  Next it is suggested to find three genuine reasons why this is true.  For Rosie she listed:

Anthony did show me he cared about me when he called me and said good night.

Anthony always greets me with a hug and a kiss and that makes me feel cared for.

Anthony knows my dogs are important to me and he has a great relationship with them.

Another turnaround for Rosie’s original thought would be, “I don’t care about Anthony.”  Yet another turnaround would be, “I don’t care about me.”  For each turnaround three reasons why the turnaround statement is true helps to open the mind as opposed to remain stuck in a negative thought pattern.

After doing The Work one can feel instant freedom from the mind trap.  People also feel compassion for themselves and for those they have been judging harshly.

If you would like a scan of your energy feel free to book a session or email me to inquire.  It is my pleasure to assist in opening doors, expanding perceptions and triggering happiness.

Smiles and love

Your Love Psychic

Valerie :)

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Why Men Pull Back And What Not To Do About It

It was all going so well.  He was calling consistently, you were seeing each other regularly and then poof he disappears!  What happened and where did he go?  Listed below are the three main reasons men pull back* and what not to do about it.

1. Intensity of Feelings –  A common misconception is that men pull back because they are not interested.  Though it is sometimes the case that he is just not into you, in readings I at times see another reason; His feelings are growing.  Women are much more comfortable with feelings than men.  When a man’s feelings become intense he will freak out on some level and pull back.  He knows he is headed into the territory of love and if he is not careful he can lose himself by crossing the point of no return.  At least that is what it feels like for a man, that a part of him could be given up forever.  On a subconscious level he fears he will lose control of himself, control over his life and his independence.  It is a real fear because allowing love to flow can change everything.  In my opinion it is healthy for a man to pull back because his feelings for you are intense and growing by the day.

2. It Is A Test –  This reason for a pull back may be coupled with the other reasons listed.  When a man pulls back he knows you will notice and he can become very curious and watchful concerning how you handle it.  On some level he wants to maintain autonomy as opposed to let nature take its course and merge into love with you.  If you fail this test, by not allowing space, he could feel less challenged and somewhat relieved that the stakes are not as high as he thought and you may not be his dream girl after all.  The  reactions that you should absolutely not engage in are listed below.

3.  The Need for Space – Taking space is healthy and giving it is also healthy.  Space promotes balance, introspection and insight.  Sometimes the reason for a pull back is really simple and undramatic.  Dr. Gray told us in, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, that men go into their cave when they need alone time.  In relationship readings I have seen men in their cave/taking a time out, and it is true, they usually emerge with fresh insights and missing you!  If your man has a heavy work load or demands on him he will need some form of space to process things and find balance.

 

What Not To Do When A Man Pulls Back

When a man pulls back you may feel panic and if you have abandonment or control issues they will get triggered.  My advise, do NOT react!  It is not compulsory to compensate for what someone else is not doing.  In matters of love, compensation can be a trap and like most traps the one caught in it can get bruised and stuck in an undesirable pattern.

If he is not calling do not compensate by calling him.  If he is not initiating do not  compensate by initiating with him.  If he has stopped pursuing you do not start pursing him.  I have done readings for women who have compensated for what the man was not doing and unfortunately things stayed the same.  The woman wanted the man to act like a man again and she wanted to be the feminine woman, yet she could not be feminine as long as she assumed the masculine role.  Also women who compensate can grow bitter and resentful over time.  Not allowing space is about control and it backfires and usually only prolongs the pull back as well as damages the rapport with your loved one.  Allowing space is an act of love.

Everything in life has an ebb and flow, yet when relationships are in the ebb part of the cycle one is tempted to feel that it will never flow again and so they try to force it into a flow, which never works.  I have found that men rarely plan for taking space nor do they  announce they are going to take space.  They just do it and this can be quite disturbing.  Knowing what is going on and when to expect communication can be extremely beneficial information, thus it is a focus of many of the psychic readings I provide.

In summation, when your man pulls back:

  • Don’t react
  • Don’t try to compensate for it
  • Don’t try to control it
  • Don’t try to shorten it

Take the opportunity to re-center yourself  and focus on your life, your joys and live.  He will be back in pursuit again.  Give him space to chase.

 

* In this blog post I am only covering the healthy and easily managed reasons men pull back.  The unhealthy reasons men pull back may be elaborated on in another blog.  In the meantime if you want to know the reasons your man has pulled back please contact me for a reading.

Smiles and love,

Valerie

Your Love Psychic

 

Thanks to Kongsky for image use. :)

 

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The Soul Mate Bad Boy

You are smart, self sufficient and have loads of common sense.  You have read self help books and know key relationship do’s and don’ts.  You have learned hard lessons from the past, which you vow to never repeat.   Yet, along comes a soul mate and this one is sporting red flags vivaciously flying high.  Logic runs to a far off cave while delicious fantasies of till death do us part take center stage.

So what has happened exactly?  As a Love Psychic I have given thousands of readings and have seen many soul mate relationships from inception to conclusion.  Don’t let the word, “conclusion” scare you.  Not all soul mate connections end and it can be argued that such connections never really end at all.  It is just that soul mates have many reasons to enter our lives and a marriage proposal is not always one of the reasons.

A soul mate is someone who we have a soul connection with and who we have known in some meaningful way in a past life.  Meeting them again awakens energies within us that have previously been dormant.  This awakening, brought about by our recognition of the other, can feel quite glorious; We feel high!  I call the feeling the soul mate buzz.  Illusions and fantasies fill our consciousness and we float above the grounding forces of logic and reality as it feels so good to go with the feelings!

Though we may think we have one up on reality and logic this is never the case.  Once magnetized with a soul mate, the illusion that the reason we met them is to live happily ever after heavily influences our perceptions, choices, and decisions.  The high intensity buzz can have a person rationalizing and minimizing all sorts of glaring red flags such as: the soul mate is married to someone else, the soul mate is a player and has many partners around town and country, the soul mate likes to drink a bit too much, the soul mate is commitment phobic, emotionally unstable, lives with and off dear ole mom etc…

To love someone instantly due to the soul connection, yet as a partner they would otherwise be your least likely choice, does not make for an even playing field.  Soul mates awaken us to intense and beautiful feelings on a deep level, on a level that normally does not get much play in our day to day; The soul level.  However, once our discarded friend, logic, returns from the cave, inner conflict gives birth to the question, “How can such a wonderful and powerful connection not lead to commitment, marriage, and a life journey together?  Often it is at this stage, when reality and fantasy collide, that the requests for a psychic reading increases dramatically.

So, if the soul mate connection with a bad boy is not about till death due us part then what is it about?  It would require a  psychic reading for the specific details to be revealed, but most often growth and expansion are a common opportunity that is present.  When growth opportunities are denied there is struggle and pain, thus it is always helpful to know what the unique growth opportunities are in your connection.

The truth is that the soul mate bad boy always comes with something good.   For example, he may come to be a springboard for you to enter a whole new life, he may show you a lie you have been holding about yourself and finally give you the opportunity to be in your truth.  The gifts present are unique to each connection.  With a bad boy, rather than waiting for the ring, why not watch the flower open and be pleasantly surprised with the bloom?  I promise it will always be beautiful and there is always something extremely valuable exchanged.

Smiles and love,

Valerie

Your Love Psychic

 

 

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How To Identify A Soul Mate: Four Identifiers

The soul should always stand ajar,
ready to welcome the ecstatic experience.
- Emily Dickenson
 

 

A soul mate is someone with whom you share a soul level connection.  Such a connection has a myriad of dynamics present, often including the feeling of love and the experience of recognition as it is a connection that precedes the present lifetime.

Contrary to popular myth, a soul mate is not necessarily your one true love who you will marry and then live with happily ever after.  When it comes to the dimensions of the soul there is never one outcome and one definitive potential.  The soul is infinite and lives in the realm of infinite possibilities.

Soul mates always serve as a catalyst for change and such a meeting is abundant with growth opportunities.  Therefore to be able to identify a soul mate and to be aware that growth and change are on offer can be very beneficial.

The following list is based on my personal experience and the knowledge gained professionally from providing readings for clients as a love psychic.  The list is not conclusive, but the soul mate identifiers listed are the most prominent and are present in all soul mate connections.

Four Soul Mate Identifiers

1.  Recognition –  Often there is the feeling of immediate connection and even love.  This defies logical explanation of course as you do not even know the person.  On some level you do recognize each other, though consciously you may not understand it.  Sometimes one partner feels the familiarity and closeness before the other has the same experience.  The partner who is slower to recognize the connection holds as significant the moment they awoke to it and remembers precisely when that moment occurred.

2.  Magnetism –  You feel drawn to each other, you want to be around each other and sometimes this happens via synchronicity as if the hand of fate introduced you and then works to guide things along.  Sometimes the magnetism can taper off for a period of time in order to allow for introspection and growth.  In times of separation, if one can be still and balanced, it is possible to feel the other no matter the time and distance involved.

3.  Intensity – All soul level connections carry the potential for expansive growth.  When growth opportunities are being ignored, usually due to an overwhelming focus on the other person, intensity builds up.  The build up of intensity can lead to a temporary separation and a decrease in magnetism.  Letting go, getting back in balance, establishing a connection with one’s Self and focusing on self growth reopens the flow of the connection.

4.  Sacrifice – What is to be sacrificed is something old and no longer of use.  Some examples of what we may be called upon to sacrifice are: a way of life, an old and outgrown narrative of who we are, a rigid view of love and what others should believe and how others should act, negative and limiting beliefs.  A soul mate brings these old ways to the surface, usually by triggering them for us and not by eloquently writing them out in a kind note that they attached to a bouquet of roses. :)

Soul mate connections have the ability to turn us inside out.  They exalt us to where we believe our greatest joys are possible while they also can expose our deepest fears.  The rewards are high and one never need navigate the path alone.  Fortunately we are in an age where guidance by a skilled soul mate reader is a phone call away.

Smiles and love,

Valerie

Your Love Psychic

I invite you to share your thoughts and experiences in the comments section.

 

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