It was all going so well. He was calling consistently, you were seeing each other regularly and then poof he disappears! What happened and where did he go? Listed below are the three main reasons men pull back* and what not to do about it.
1. Intensity of Feelings - A common misconception is that men pull back because they are not interested. Though it is sometimes the case that he is just not into you, in readings I at times see another reason; His feelings are growing. Women are much more comfortable with feelings than men. When a man’s feelings become intense he will freak out on some level and pull back. He knows he is headed into the territory of love and if he is not careful he can lose himself by crossing the point of no return. At least that is what it feels like for a man, that a part of him could be given up forever. On a subconscious level he fears he will lose control of himself, control over his life and his independence. It is a real fear because allowing love to flow can change everything. In my opinion it is healthy for a man to pull back because his feelings for you are intense and growing by the day.
2. It Is A Test - This reason for a pull back may be coupled with the other reasons listed. When a man pulls back he knows you will notice and he can become very curious and watchful concerning how you handle it. On some level he wants to maintain autonomy as opposed to let nature take its course and merge into love with you. If you fail this test, by not allowing space, he could feel less challenged and somewhat relieved that the stakes are not as high as he thought and you may not be his dream girl after all. The reactions that you should absolutely not engage in are listed below.
3. The Need for Space – Taking space is healthy and giving it is also healthy. Space promotes balance, introspection and insight. Sometimes the reason for a pull back is really simple and undramatic. Dr. Gray told us in, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, that men go into their cave when they need alone time. In relationship readings I have seen men in their cave/taking a time out, and it is true, they usually emerge with fresh insights and missing you! If your man has a heavy work load or demands on him he will need some form of space to process things and find balance.
What Not To Do When A Man Pulls Back
When a man pulls back you may feel panic and if you have abandonment or control issues they will get triggered. My advise, do NOT react! It is not compulsory to compensate for what someone else is not doing. In matters of love, compensation can be a trap and like most traps the one caught in it can get bruised and stuck in an undesirable pattern.
If he is not calling do not compensate by calling him. If he is not initiating do not compensate by initiating with him. If he has stopped pursuing you do not start pursing him. I have done readings for women who have compensated for what the man was not doing and unfortunately things stayed the same. The woman wanted the man to act like a man again and she wanted to be the feminine woman, yet she could not be feminine as long as she assumed the masculine role. Also women who compensate can grow bitter and resentful over time. Not allowing space is about control and it backfires and usually only prolongs the pull back as well as damages the rapport with your loved one. Allowing space is an act of love.
Everything in life has an ebb and flow, yet when relationships are in the ebb part of the cycle one is tempted to feel that it will never flow again and so they try to force it into a flow, which never works. I have found that men rarely plan for taking space nor do they announce they are going to take space. They just do it and this can be quite disturbing. Knowing what is going on and when to expect communication can be extremely beneficial information, thus it is a focus of many of the psychic readings I provide.
In summation, when your man pulls back:
- Don’t react
- Don’t try to compensate for it
- Don’t try to control it
- Don’t try to shorten it
Take the opportunity to re-center yourself and focus on your life, your joys and live. He will be back in pursuit again. Give him space to chase.
* In this blog post I am only covering the healthy and easily managed reasons men pull back. The unhealthy reasons men pull back may be elaborated on in another blog. In the meantime if you want to know the reasons your man has pulled back please contact me for a reading.
Smiles and love,
Thanks to Kongsky for image use.